When you find yourself in conflict, you may discover that you tend to participate in a certain way – you may try to avoid the conflict, you may try to ‘win’ the conflict or you may accommodate the other person’s interests so much so that your own remain unaddressed.
 
These tendencies are called conflict styles and they depict the motivational orientations of an individual during a conflict. These styles include avoiding, competing, accommodating, compromising and collaborating. If you’re curious what your default style is, there are many self-assessment tools, including this one.
 
There is no ‘right’ conflict style, instead we want to work to increase our capacity to engage in conflict with the most effective strategy for a given strategy. We will explore each style next.
 
Avoiding
 
The avoiding conflict style involves suppressing or concealing feelings and concerns that may lead to conflict. This strategy tends to prolong the problem and can leave problems unaddressed and unresolved. However, it also doesn’t escalate conflict and may serve to postpone difficulties until a more opportune time.
 
Avoiding is best used when:

• Safety is a concern. If you are concerned for your own or other’s safety when bringing up an issue to another individual, its best to avoid.
• The problem isn’t one that has a lot of importance to you, or the relationship isn’t important to you.
• It’s not an appropriate time to address the problem – avoid now and address later.

 
Competing
 
The competing conflict style is characterized as pursuing one’s own demands, wants or claims at the expense of the other. Often, this produces a win-lose outcome, and may breed hostility among those involved. However, it tends to be quick and goal oriented.
 
Competing is best used when:

• You have the most expertise or knowledge about the issue at hand.
• A decision needs to be made quickly and the power dynamic is in your favour.

 
Accommodating
 
The accommodating conflict style is the tendency, at your own expense, to surrender to the other person’s demands or wants. It involves accepting the other’s views and going along with proposals that satisfy the other person’s interests. This style can breed resentment and exploit those without power. But, by giving up a personal goal you may preserve the relationship.
 
Accommodating is best used when:

• The relationship is very important.
• You are in a lower power position and unlikely to have a constructive negotiation.

 
Compromising
 
The compromising conflict style seeks an outcome that partly satisfies each party’s demands or wants. Both (or all) parties give up a little to get a little and no one gets exactly what they want. Unfortunately, this often means that no one is every fully satisfied and less than optimal solutions get implemented. However, it can be an important approach when dealing with complex issues without simple solutions and all parties are in equal power.
 
Compromising is best used when:

• The issue is complex with multiple facets. You may choose to compromise on one part so that you may gain in another area.
• When all parties are equal in power.

 
Collaborating
 
The collaborating conflict style is a balance between asserting and expressing your own interests, while seeking to understand and respond constructively to the other person’s interests. This strategy tends to be very time and energy consuming, but can create mutual trust, maintain positive relationships and build commitments.
 
Collaborating is best used when:

• There is ample time.
• Both the task and relationship are important.
• All parties feel comfortable to participate fully and there are not any big power imbalances.

 
As you can see, there are times when each of the conflict styles may be appropriate to put into use. Increasing one’s conflict competence hinges on being self-aware of our own tendencies, while working to build our capacity in other styles.
 
If you’re interested in how to build your conflict capacity, contact us today to learn more about how conflict coaching could help you!

One of my favourite types of non-profit organizations to work with is Youth Sport Organizations. I have a long background in sport – both at the grassroots level and in elite sport, enjoying the opportunity to be both an athlete and coach. I’ve seen first-hand the positive impact that sport can have on the lives of our youth, and I’ve also witnessed negative impact that unmitigated conflict can have on the sport environment.

We’ve all heard the horror stories of situations escalating to the point where parents abuse on-field officials or athletes or coaches boil over, resulting in physical altercations. However, when conflict is dealt with positively, we can help to increase performance, increase safety and enjoyment and ultimately keep individuals involved in sport, leading to health and happiness throughout the length of their lives. Surfacing and resolving conflict plays an important role in creating safe sport spaces for athletes, coaches, officials and other stakeholders involved in sport.

Within youth sport, of the main relationships that we see conflict in is the parent-coach relationship. We may see disagreements about playing time, time commitments, or coaching philosophy. At their heart, parents want what’s best for their kid, and there are several strategies that coaches can implement to help mitigate these issues.
 
What can coaches do?
 
So, the question is, what can coaches do to help deal with parent conflict? As coaches, we want to have skills and strategies to approach conflict at any point in the conflict life cycle – whether it’s before it comes up, while it is active or after it is resolved. Coaches want to be equipped to prevent, intervene in, and restore relationships after conflict.
 
Prevent

• Communication – One of the main causes of parent-coach conflict is a lack of or poor communication. Coaches should communicate clear expectations at the start of the year and have regular parent meetings to update parents on important information.
• Build trust – come through on what you say you’re going to do. For example, if you’ve said that everyone is going to get equal playing time, make sure that happens. And, if for some reason your strategy in this regard has changed, due to playoffs or another reason, make sure you communicate that.
• Be available – build relationships with parents and be available to talk about issues when they’re small, before they grow into conflict.

 
Intervene

• Timing & environment – When approached by a concerned parent, assess whether it is a good time to discuss the concern – Who is around? Players, other parents? How much time is available? Try to have the conversation in a private area, when you have ample time to discuss the issue.
• Be curious – when conflict or disagreement comes up, be curious about your own and others’ experiences. Ask questions, and make sure you get to the root of the problem.
• Invite a third party to help – if you’re having trouble resolving the conflict on your own, invite a third party to help mediate the disagreement.

 
Restore

• Repair & rebuild – Acknowledge any harm that may have occurred, work to address it and rebuild relationships to prevent further conflict in the future.

 
Coaches play an important role in fostering safe sport spaces and one way we can do that is to support positive conflict resolution through prevention, intervention, and restoration. Interested in how to build these skills, or need help resolving conflict in your organization? Contact us today.